Meat Loaf: Battenberg Out of Hell

Let me start by saying that in no way do I believe Meat Loaf to be metal. Theatrical? Yes. A good singer? Of course. Popular? Undoubtedly. But these things alone do not a man of heavy metal make. So why does Meat have a bake on Kick Out the Jams? Two reasons:

1. I'm a sub editor/writer by trade. This means by nature, I love a good pun. So when a friend of mine came up with this hilarious one, there was no way I could resist.

2. More tenuous, but perhaps at the core of why he gets a cake baked, is that the pub I used to frequent as a teenager had the best jukebox in town. None of that NOW That's What I Call Music biz, just straight-up heavy metal and classic rock, from The Stones and Cream to Judas Priest and Sabbath. And the pool table only cost 20p. After the metal kids grew up and moved away, it became a bit of a ghost ship – not too many people were as keen on the music selection, scruffy pool table and off beer as we were. Although it's true that the dated jukebox was the least of her worries, the reason the landlady clung on to it was because of her full-blown love affair with the music of Meat Loaf – this thing had three album's worth on it. Faced with having an update and getting more customers, or  keeping the hits of the man she loved, she opted for the latter. And so without Two out of Three Ain’t Bad and You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth, my education in classic rock may not have been as well-rounded as it is today.

So, here's to Meat Loaf, the pub landlady, and Battenberg Out of Hell. 

Like a bat(tenberg) out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes...

When the night is over... 

...like a bat out of hell i'll be gone, gone, gone.

Battenberg Out of Hell

(Cuts into 8-10 slices; adapted from the brilliant chocolate and orange battenberg in olive magazine)

• butter  175g, softened
• caster sugar  175g
• self-raising flour  175g
• baking powder  ½ tsp
• eggs  3
• cocoa powder  2 tbsp, plus extra for dusting
• raspberry jam  150g
• Chambord liqueur  4 tbsp
• red food colouring gel  1 tube
• white fondant icing  500g, mixed with 4 tbsp cocoa

1. Heat the oven to 180C/gas 4. Make a barrier out of tin foil lengthways down the centre of a 20cm x 20cm tin.
2. Line each side with baking paper so the mix won’t leak. Mix the butter, sugar, flour, baking powder and eggs. Divide in two and add the cocoa to one half and the red colouring and Chambord to the other. Spoon the chocolate mix into one half and the raspberry into the other. Bake for 25 minutes, then cool in the tin for a short while and turn onto a wire rack.
3. Roll the fondant to a rough rectangle – wide enough to cover the cakes when stacked. Lay one half of the cake on top of the other and trim both to the same size. Cut each cake into quarters lengthways, turn each on its side and cut in half lengthways again, so you end up with 8 long strips of each cake.
4. Lay a chocolate cake strip in the centre of the fondant and trim the fondant in a straight line at each end so it matches the length of the cake. Brush the cake all over with jam, lay a Chambord strip next to it and brush with jam, then another chocolate strip, and another Chambord strip. Push together tightly, brushing with more jam if you need it. Repeat until the cake is four ‘squares’ high by four wide, then fold the fondant over the cake, brushing the overlapping fondant with jam to stick. Turn over so the seam is on the bottom, then carefully slice.