Ozzy Osbourne: Bark at the Moon

For some reason, no-one else tried astronaut ice cream as a child. If you're not in the know, it's freeze-dried ice cream. It's roughly the same weight and texture as polystyrene, and dissolves to a sticky custard as soon as it hits your mouth. Should this description make you want to throw a fiver Amazon’s way, the best flavour is neapolitan. It's the stuff spacemen's dreams are made of, once they've flown to the moon, that is. 

Everyone feels nostalgic when they rediscover childhood sweets – if that wasn’t the case, there would be no rational explanation for adults buying white chocolate mice. So having not seen astronaut ice cream in more than 20 years, I had to get some, despite extortionate USA import mark ups. It’s fair to say that the reaction of my uninitiated friends varied from horrified to lukewarm. But as soon as I tasted it, I felt eight years old, and it was once again it was the coolest thing I had ever eaten. 

I'll hold my hands up and say that zero-gravity versions of kitsch desserts have no direct link to Ozzy Osbourne. But the point at which they meet in my mind is the amazing feeling of discovery. Six years on from space food, my brother-in-law presented me with a selection of tapes: Black Sabbath, Paranoid, Master of Reality, Blizzard of Ozz, Diary of a Madman and Bark at the Moon. It kick-started my love of rock and metal, and every time I listen to those albums, I'm 14 again. It was the coolest music I'd ever heard – and, just like the astronaut ice cream, it has lost none of the magic. 

Welcome to Kick Out the Jams.

Bark at the Moon

• dark chocolate   200g
• milk chocolate   200g
• astronaut's ice cream   1 pack (buy from Cyber Candy or Amazon), broken into various-sized pieces, to decorate
• peanut M&Ms, crunch bars or mini cookies   broken into pieces, to decorate
• edible silver glitter spray   to decorate

1. Line a 20cm springform tin with baking paper. Melt the dark chocolate over simmering water, then pour into the base of the tin. Melt the milk chocolate in the same way, then pour over the dark chocolate. Swirl to make a marbled effect, scatter over the astronaut's ice cream and broken crunch bars, biscuits or M&Ms. Chill for 2 hours in the fridge, or until set. 
2. Release from the springform tin, then spray liberally with silver glitter.

Those that the beast is looking for...

...listen in awe and you'll hear him...

...bark at the moon.