Alice Cooper: Feed My Frankenstein

It's not just Halloween; it's Alice Cooper's Halloween Night of Fear at London's O2 Arena. Clearly, I'm not there, so instead, I've decided to list a few reasons as to why Alice Cooper and Kick Out the Jams were destined to meet:

• Welcome to my Nightmare is one of the best concept albums of the seventies (he was competing with the likes of Floyd, Bowie and The Who at the time… so that's some pretty stiff competition).
• Poison is my karaoke song.
• He is Dave Mustaine of Megadeth's godfather.
• His appearance in Wayne's World cements it as it is one of my favourite comedy films ever.
• Most of my baking is done while listening to podcasts of Nights With Alice Cooper.
• He's the golfing buddy of Thin Lizzy's incredible guitarist, Scott Gorham. 

And if I wasn't so into the huge scope of heavy metal theatrics, I wouldn't be writing this blog.

With that in mind, I present:

Feed My Frankenstein

(Makes three cakes, enough to serve between 30-35. I used topsy turvy tins)  

RED VELVET CAKE (bottom cake)

• unsalted butter  350g, softened
• golden caster sugar  350g
• eggs  6, beaten
• plain flour  100g
• self-raising flour  280g 
• cocoa powder  40g
• whole milk  2-4 tbsp
• red gel food colouring  1 tube, or 3-4 tbsp red food colouring

CARDAMOM AND ORANGE MARBLE CAKE (middle cake)

• unsalted butter  225g, softened
• golden caster sugar  225g 
• eggs  4
• self-raising flour  250g
• orange essence  2 tbsp
• orange  1, zested
• whole milk  1 tbsp
• ground cardamom  1½ tbsp
• green gel food colouring   a few drops (you can make more 'green' if you want, I added a few drops to achieve a 'cardamom' colour

DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE (top cake; adapted from David Lebovitz)

• cocoa  9 tbsp
• plain flour  200g 
• salt  ½ tsp 
• bicarbonate of soda  1 tsp
• baking powder  ¼ tsp
• unsalted butter  115g, at room temperature
• granulated sugar  200g
• eggs  2 
• strong, cold coffee  120ml 
• whole milk  120ml

VANILLA BUTTERCREAM

•  unsalted butter 750g, at room temp
•  icing sugar  400g
•  royal icing sugar  350g
•  vanilla extract  2 tbsp, or 2 tsp vanilla bean paste

CHOCOLATE GANACHE

• dark chocolate  150g
• black gel food colouring  a few drops 
• double cream  200ml

1. For the red velvet cake, Heat oven to 160C/gas 5, then butter and line the base of a 25cm tin. Beat the butter and sugar until light and creamy, then gradually add in the eggs. Fold in the flours, cocoa and a pinch of salt, followed by the milk and red gel colour.
2. Spoon into the tin and bake for an hour or so, until risen and a skewer comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.
3. For the cardamom and orange marble cake, heat oven to 180C/gas 4. Butter and line the base of a 20cm tin. Beat the butter and sugar, then gradually add the eggs. Mix in  the flour, milk and vanilla extract.
4. Divide the mixture between two bowls. Stir the orange essence and orange zest into the mixture in one of the bowls, and the ground cardamom and green gel colour into the other. Drop the orange and cardamom mixtures into the tin alternately – do not try to spread or swirl the mixes, they will do it by themselves as you continue to add.  
5. Bake the cake for 45 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. Leave to cool on a wire rack.
6. For the devil's food cake, heat the oven to 180C/gas 6 then butter and line a 15cm tin. 
7. Sift the cocoa, flour, salt, bicarb of soda and baking powder into a bowl. Beat the butter and sugar together for about 5 minutes until light and creamy, then gradually add the eggs.
8. Mix the coffee and milk, then stir half of the dry ingredients into the butter mixture, then add the coffee and milk and stir in the rest of the dry ingredients.
9. Pour the mixture into the tin and bake for 25 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack. 
10. To make the buttercream, mix the icing sugars then gradually beat into the butter with the vanilla extract using an electric whisk, trying as you go to make sure the balance of butter and sugar tastes right. 
11. To assemble the cake, cut off any uneven tops on the cakes then stack in order of size, spreading a little buttercream on each one to stick together. Coat the top and sides with the buttercream using a palette knife. You'll need to dip the knife in hot water every now and again to make the icing is as smooth as possible. 
12. To make the ganache, melt the chocolate over simmering water, then add the gel colour and cream, until a thick but still pourable consistency. Spoon a puddle onto the top of the cake, then gently push out to the sides to create dribbles. You might need to use a teaspoon for this, or start the dribble from the top, adding more ganache as you go so it runs down the length of the cake.

Hungry for love... (or cake?)

...and it's feeding time.

Ozzy Osbourne: Bark at the Moon

For some reason, no-one else tried astronaut ice cream as a child. If you're not in the know, it's freeze-dried ice cream. It's roughly the same weight and texture as polystyrene, and dissolves to a sticky custard as soon as it hits your mouth. Should this description make you want to throw a fiver Amazon’s way, the best flavour is neapolitan. It's the stuff spacemen's dreams are made of, once they've flown to the moon, that is. 

Everyone feels nostalgic when they rediscover childhood sweets – if that wasn’t the case, there would be no rational explanation for adults buying white chocolate mice. So having not seen astronaut ice cream in more than 20 years, I had to get some, despite extortionate USA import mark ups. It’s fair to say that the reaction of my uninitiated friends varied from horrified to lukewarm. But as soon as I tasted it, I felt eight years old, and it was once again it was the coolest thing I had ever eaten. 

I'll hold my hands up and say that zero-gravity versions of kitsch desserts have no direct link to Ozzy Osbourne. But the point at which they meet in my mind is the amazing feeling of discovery. Six years on from space food, my brother-in-law presented me with a selection of tapes: Black Sabbath, Paranoid, Master of Reality, Blizzard of Ozz, Diary of a Madman and Bark at the Moon. It kick-started my love of rock and metal, and every time I listen to those albums, I'm 14 again. It was the coolest music I'd ever heard – and, just like the astronaut ice cream, it has lost none of the magic. 

Welcome to Kick Out the Jams.

Bark at the Moon

• dark chocolate   200g
• milk chocolate   200g
• astronaut's ice cream   1 pack (buy from Cyber Candy or Amazon), broken into various-sized pieces, to decorate
• peanut M&Ms, crunch bars or mini cookies   broken into pieces, to decorate
• edible silver glitter spray   to decorate

1. Line a 20cm springform tin with baking paper. Melt the dark chocolate over simmering water, then pour into the base of the tin. Melt the milk chocolate in the same way, then pour over the dark chocolate. Swirl to make a marbled effect, scatter over the astronaut's ice cream and broken crunch bars, biscuits or M&Ms. Chill for 2 hours in the fridge, or until set. 
2. Release from the springform tin, then spray liberally with silver glitter.

Those that the beast is looking for...

...listen in awe and you'll hear him...

...bark at the moon.