Lita Ford: Shot of Poison

Not even I want to eat cake on New Year's Eve. I want lots of booze and a little glam metal. So I've put the fork down and made a cocktail in honour of a lady who knew how to knock the drinks back, Lita Ford.  

Happy New Year – I'm off to have a Shot of Poison.

One shot of poison...

A little taste of paradise...

One drop of your sweet poison satisfies.

Shot of Poison

(Makes 2)

• dark rum  4 shots
• cherry syrup  2 tbsp
• cherry cola  1 bottle
• glace cherries  to decorate

1. Put a large handful of ice cubes in two glasses, pour over the rum, cherry syrup and cherry cola. Add a handful of glace cherries, top with more ice and decorate with more glace cherries. 

Dead Kennedys: Too Drunk to Cook

There's a lot to thank sunny California for since the 1960s – The Doors, Gram Parsons, Frank Zappa and The Eagles to name a few. But fast forward to the late 70s and 80s, and its incredible musical heritage comes alive, with more genre-defying sounds than you could possibly fathom. So I thought it best to start at the beginning – well, the band that sparked my interest in hardcore at least. 

Along with Black Flag and Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys were one of the most widely known bands to come out of the legendary South Bay punk scene. Pun-wise, there's a lot to work with here – I'm almost certainly going to figure out a way to make something that tastes vaguely acceptable out of fresh fruit and rotting vegetables and try to say 'Nazi punks f**k off' with cake. But for now, I'll stick with something simple.

It's a 'Jello Biafra', for when you're err, 'too drunk to cook'. This one goes out to all the vegans. 

Went to a party...

I danced all night...

I drank 16 beers and started up a fight!

Too Drunk to Cook

(Serves 6)

• ginger and lemongrass cordial  200ml
• vege gel  2 sachets
• crystallised ginger  1/2 jar, roughly diced

1. Mix the cordial with 750ml water in a saucepan, and when warmed, sprinkle over the vege gel and stir until dissolved and the liquid has thickened. 
2. Add a few pieces of ginger to the bottom of six glasses or jars, then pour the jelly into the glass. Chill for at least 2 hours, then add the remaining ginger to the tops of the jellies. Chill again until needed.  

Thin Lizzy: Whiskey in the Bar

I've been trying to write a Thin Lizzy post for some time now – you'd think it would be easy, since I have enough love and enthusiasm for this band to fill several blogs, let alone a single post. 

But instead of writing reams about the inspirational talent of Ireland's greatest rock export (and no, that cannot be argued), I decided the best I could offer would be a carefully considered combination of my favourite flavours. So I've made a rich, chocolate brownie-style bar studded with Irish whiskey-infused Californian raisins, topped with coffee frosting and a dark chocolate glaze. Just like Lizzy, this bake really comes alive when a little bit of Californian sunshine is thrown in. 

I'm beyond excited about going to the final UK date on Lizzy's farewell tour this evening. There may have been a few line up changes, but with Brian Downey on drums, Scott Gorham on guitar, Darren Wharton on keys, Ricky Warwick on vocals, Damon Johnson on guitar, and Marco Mendoza on bass, it's a truly astonishing feat to have as much charm, energy and enthusiasm as these guys have. I'd love to sign off by referencing a few of their best songs, but the truth is there are too many classics to begin calling out favourites. The name may be retiring, but thank god a brilliant band will live on.

Whack for my daddy-o...

Whack for my daddy-o...

There's whiskey in the jar-o.

 

Whiskey in the Brownie Bar

(Makes 12 bars)

• Californian raisins  200g

• Irish whiskey  6 tbsp

• butter  200g

• golden caster sugar  250g

• eggs  3

• chocolate  250g, melted

• plain flour  60g

• cocoa powder  60g

• baking powder  1 tsp

COFFEE FROSTING

• butter  75g
• cream cheese  75g
• icing sugar  300g
• strong, cold coffee  4 tbsp

CHOCOLATE GLAZE

• dark chocolate  100g
• butter  3 tbsp
• golden syrup  1 tbsp

1. Soak the raisins in the whiskey for at least 30 minutes, then heat the oven to 180C/gas 5 and butter and line a 20cm-square brownie tin. 
2. Beat the butter and sugar until pale and creamy, then while still beating, add the eggs, mix until combined, then slowly pour in the melted chocolate. Add the raisins and whiskey, then fold in the flour, cocoa and baking powder. Bake for 35-40 minutes, until just set in the middle. Allow to cool in the tin for 10 minutes, then cool on a wire rack.
3. To make the coffee frosting, mix the butter and cream cheese, then slowly add the icing sugar and coffee bit by bit, tasting as you go to check the balance. Add more icing sugar if needed. Spread the buttercream on the cooled brownie, then freeze for at least an hour.
4. To make the chocolate glaze, melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water with the butter and golden syrup. Cool a little.
5. Take the brownie out of the freezer, then pour the glaze over the frosting, smoothing with a palette knife as you go. Allow to set. 

Zakk Wylde: Spoke in the Pinwheel

Being a guitar great doesn't always equate to mainstream notoriety – but it does mean having a widespread influence and huge respect among heavy metal musicians and fans alike. As Ozzy’s on/off guitarist since 1987 and the brains behind the brilliant Black Label Society, they don’t come much greater than Zakk Wylde.

Spoke in the Wheel isn't exactly packed with Zakk's signature riffs, but it's the perfect namesake for this baked dedication. For one thing, pinwheels are the closest cookies get to a Zakk Wylde bullseye Les Paul. But most importantly, just like the man, they are an all-American mainstay with enormous appeal and well-deserved longevity. 

Keep the dough in the freezer, and you've got the perfect sweet standby – just slice and bake as needed. We shot these in my very own Concrete Jungle (or as I like to call it, the garden). 

Stripped of your pride like you were never nothing special...

Made to feel...

Like another spoke in the wheel. 

Spoke in the Pinwheels

(Makes about 36)

• plain flour  400g
• salt  1 tsp
• baking powder  1 tsp
• unsalted butter  230g, softened
• caster sugar  200g
• eggs  2
• peppermint extract  1 tbsp, or to taste
• cocoa powder  30g

1. Mix the flour, salt, and baking powder, then in a separate bowl, beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs and beat until combined.
2. Add the flour mix and stir to a smooth dough. Divide the dough in half, then add the cocoa to one, and the peppermint extract to the other. Taste the peppermint dough to check the flavour, then add more extract if needed. Chill the doughs for 30 minutes.
3. Once chilled, roll both doughs out to £1-coin thickness, then put the peppermint dough on top of the chocolate dough, and press the edges together. Roll into a log as tightly as you can, cover in greaseproof paper then put in the fridge for a couple of hours to firm up (or freeze until needed).
4. Heat the oven to 180C/gas 5. Slice the dough into 2cm rounds, then put on a baking sheet lined with greaseproof paper and bake for about 10 minutes, until the peppermint dough is very lightly browned. Cool completely on a wire rack. 

Pantera: Vulgar Display of Flour

I usually post weekly, but I'm a bit late with this dedication to Pantera – let's just say that I  had a few too many Black Tooth Grins on Saturday in honour of the late great Dimebag Darrell.

Vulgar Display of Power was a staple in my collection as a teenager, and with the anniversary of Darrell 'Dimebag' Abbott's death being this week, I decided it was high time that I revisited it. Just as I remembered, it's a fantastically consistent album – one of the best examples of a solid heavy metal record in the last 25 years, elevated to modern classic by Dime's groove-driven guitar style and his brother Vinnie's bone-crunching rhythms on drums.

So why did I choose to make bear claw doughnuts? First off, it's the only baked good that resembles a fist. But secondly, it's a Grade-A treat that hasn't really made it past the USA's shores and into the bakeries of Northern Europe. A sweet yeast dough traditionally filled with almonds, raisins and even apple pie filling, it's then shaped into a 'claw' and covered in sugar or drizzled with icing. This doughnut is so key to the cannon of great American bakes that there's even a diagram in The Joy of Cooking. Sure, there are many pastries that pretty much equate to the same thing, just as there are many great American heavy metal records – but like Vulgar Display of Power, there's just a distinctive edge that makes bear claws that much better than others of the same ilk.

So here's to the 'Cowboys From Hell' for making it out of Texas to gain universal recognition. I can only hope the bear claw becomes the Vulgar Display of Power of the doughnut world some time soon.
        

A lesson learned in life...

Known from the dawn of time...

Respect, walk!

Vulgar Display of Flour Bear Claws

(Adapted from The Joy of Cooking with a few of my own tweaks; makes six claws)

• dried active yeast  7g sachet
• plain flour  330g
• caster sugar  45g
• whole milk  30g
• eggs  2
• vanilla extract  1 tsp
• salt  1 tsp
• butter  6 tbsp, softened
• melted butter  6 tbsp, plus extra for glazing
• ground almonds  50g, or a few tbsp almond paste
• pecans  65g, chopped, plus a few whole to decorate
• cinnamon-infused sugar 3 tbsp, plus extra to decorate

1. Mix the yeast with 4 tbsp lukewarm water, then let stand for 5 minutes. Mix 65g of the flour with the sugar, milk, eggs, vanilla and salt in a large bowl, then add the yeast mixture. Add the rest of the flour, mix to a dough, then knead for 10 minutes by hand or 5 minutes on a dough hook, until it is smooth and elastic and no longer sticks to your hands. 
2. Add the softened butter, then knead into the dough until completely incorporated. Put in a clean, oiled bowl, cover with clingfilm and leave to rise in a warm place for an hour and a half, or until doubled in size. 
3. Once doubled, punch the dough down a bit, knead briefly then cover again and chill for 4-12 hours (I made the dough in the evening, then chilled overnight, ready for breakfast in the morning). 
4. Cut the dough into three pieces, then roll each into a large rectangle. Brush each with the melted butter, then add the ground almonds, pecans and cinnamon sugar. Fold lengthways into thirds, pinching the edges together to hold the filling. Cut into six rectangles, then put seam-side down on a baking sheet. Make three slashes in each doughnut to resemble claws. Cover and let rise for 45 minutes, then push a whole pecan into each 'finger', brush with more melted butter, sprinkle with cinnamon sugar and bake for 25 minutes, until golden. 

Meat Loaf: Battenberg Out of Hell

Let me start by saying that in no way do I believe Meat Loaf to be metal. Theatrical? Yes. A good singer? Of course. Popular? Undoubtedly. But these things alone do not a man of heavy metal make. So why does Meat have a bake on Kick Out the Jams? Two reasons:

1. I'm a sub editor/writer by trade. This means by nature, I love a good pun. So when a friend of mine came up with this hilarious one, there was no way I could resist.

2. More tenuous, but perhaps at the core of why he gets a cake baked, is that the pub I used to frequent as a teenager had the best jukebox in town. None of that NOW That's What I Call Music biz, just straight-up heavy metal and classic rock, from The Stones and Cream to Judas Priest and Sabbath. And the pool table only cost 20p. After the metal kids grew up and moved away, it became a bit of a ghost ship – not too many people were as keen on the music selection, scruffy pool table and off beer as we were. Although it's true that the dated jukebox was the least of her worries, the reason the landlady clung on to it was because of her full-blown love affair with the music of Meat Loaf – this thing had three album's worth on it. Faced with having an update and getting more customers, or  keeping the hits of the man she loved, she opted for the latter. And so without Two out of Three Ain’t Bad and You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth, my education in classic rock may not have been as well-rounded as it is today.

So, here's to Meat Loaf, the pub landlady, and Battenberg Out of Hell. 

Like a bat(tenberg) out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes...

When the night is over... 

...like a bat out of hell i'll be gone, gone, gone.

Battenberg Out of Hell

(Cuts into 8-10 slices; adapted from the brilliant chocolate and orange battenberg in olive magazine)

• butter  175g, softened
• caster sugar  175g
• self-raising flour  175g
• baking powder  ½ tsp
• eggs  3
• cocoa powder  2 tbsp, plus extra for dusting
• raspberry jam  150g
• Chambord liqueur  4 tbsp
• red food colouring gel  1 tube
• white fondant icing  500g, mixed with 4 tbsp cocoa

1. Heat the oven to 180C/gas 4. Make a barrier out of tin foil lengthways down the centre of a 20cm x 20cm tin.
2. Line each side with baking paper so the mix won’t leak. Mix the butter, sugar, flour, baking powder and eggs. Divide in two and add the cocoa to one half and the red colouring and Chambord to the other. Spoon the chocolate mix into one half and the raspberry into the other. Bake for 25 minutes, then cool in the tin for a short while and turn onto a wire rack.
3. Roll the fondant to a rough rectangle – wide enough to cover the cakes when stacked. Lay one half of the cake on top of the other and trim both to the same size. Cut each cake into quarters lengthways, turn each on its side and cut in half lengthways again, so you end up with 8 long strips of each cake.
4. Lay a chocolate cake strip in the centre of the fondant and trim the fondant in a straight line at each end so it matches the length of the cake. Brush the cake all over with jam, lay a Chambord strip next to it and brush with jam, then another chocolate strip, and another Chambord strip. Push together tightly, brushing with more jam if you need it. Repeat until the cake is four ‘squares’ high by four wide, then fold the fondant over the cake, brushing the overlapping fondant with jam to stick. Turn over so the seam is on the bottom, then carefully slice. 

Black Flag: Rise Above

I thought about making everything from soufflé to muffins for this post, but when it came down to it, any kind of sweet extravagance just didn’t feel right in the face of the mighty Henry Rollins.

They may be pioneers of hardcore, but an immeasurable importance in that scene and a heavy-metal influenced sound has made Black Flag a mainstay in my record collection, and Henry Rollins’ books a constant on my shelves.    

This four-seed wholemeal bread, just like Henry, is hearty, heavy and made with healthy good intentions. A few slices of this before one of his legendary shows would see you right the way through to dinner time.

We are born with a chance...

Rise above we're gonna rise above!

Rise Above

(Makes 1 medium loaf)

• brown bread flour  200g
• granary bread flour  200g
• white bread flour  100g
• salt  1½ tsp
• caster sugar 1 tsp
• fast-action dried yeast  2 tsp
• pumpkin seeds, golden linseeds, caraway seeds and poppy seeds  6 tbsp
• olive oil  1 tbsp
• egg  1, beaten 
• poppy seeds  to decorate

1. Mix the flours, salt, sugar and yeast in a large bowl, then stir in the seeds. Make a well in the centre of the flours and pour in 300ml lukewarm water with the olive oil. Mix together then knead on a floured surface for 10 minutes, adding more white flour if the dough is a little sticky.
2. Put into a clean, oiled bowl, cover and leave in a warm place to rise for an hour, or until double the size. 

3. Knock the dough back a little then shape to make an oval. 
Leave to rise again for about 30 minutes. Heat the oven to 180C/gas 6.
4. Brush the surface with beaten egg, then decorate with poppy seeds (I cut a Black Flag logo stencil, held it over the bread then sprinkled over the seeds). Bake the bread for about 35-40 minutes or until golden and the bottom sounds hollow when tapped. Cool on a wire rack.